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a boring person

Posted on 31st Aug at 12:12 PM, with 235,449 notes

callieohpeee:

when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people when they died

Posted on 31st Aug at 12:09 PM, with 229,314 notes

lynzave:

today these kids were talking and being really rude during a test so I finally fulfilled my dream of telling them off by yelling “I AM FAILING THIS CLASS AND YOU DILDOS AREN’T HELPING MY SITUATION, LET ME TAKE MY TEST” and it went dead silent for like two seconds and one person snickered and the teacher said “don’t you dare laugh, she’s absolutely right”

I’ve never had a school official back me up after calling someone a dildo.

Posted on 31st Aug at 10:59 AM, with 470,761 notes

nintendofunclub:

c0caino:

Take your age and add 5 to it. That is your age in 5 years.

image

Posted on 30th Aug at 9:31 PM, with 264,256 notes

nickelbackthatassup:

no emoji in the world can replace the depth of :/

Posted on 30th Aug at 9:25 PM, with 16,941 notes
22 year old me: *Looks into camera* I am...standing in front of my beautiful home. I just got back from a short vacation and it's my dorders( who I uniquely named Dorder b/c she is my dorder) 4th birthday so I'm going to surprise her and my husband Aubrey, you may know him as Drake, I call him Aubrey because we're on a first name basis because we are married...and in love.
Me: *Opens door* Hello.mp3!
Drake: *Eagerly runs downstairs carrying dorder because he is happy to see me because we are in love* Oh my God! I am so happy to see you!
Me: Surprise! Get my luggage sweetie. *Smiles at the camera*
Drake: Hold the baby for me?
Me: No, thank you.
Drake: You sure? You haven't seen her in a long time and she misses y-
Me: Aubrey I do not want to hold that child.
Drake: *Nods and sits dorder on the floor* What's with the camera crew?
Me: Well, I am...filming my ICONIC return home from vacation.
Drake: I wouldn't call it vacation you were gone for an entire year. *rich white man laugh*
Me: I can call it whatever the hale I wanna call it but anyway- *Kneels and ruffles Dorders hair* -my little cutie pie turned 3 and as you all know, I do not particularly like the number 3. At all. So now I am home because I do, in fact, enjoy the number 4.
Drake: I completely understand, I'm not too fond of the number 7.
Me: Are you coming for me?
Drake: I don't understand.
Me: Everyone knows that I was born on August 8th and 7 is one less than 8 and I'm starting to feel VERY attacked.
Drake: I apologize I see how that could be taken offensively, I was out of line.
Posted on 30th Aug at 9:23 PM, with 38,072 notes

majestic-beard:

movie where the deep and soulful white boy protagonist finally finds true love with his manic pixie dream girl to a kinks soundtrack but actually she’s a violent sociopath who seduces deep and soulful white boys with her diverse, trendy interests and keeps them all in a basement for bloodsport, forcing these spaghetti-armed “creative professionals”in thick-rimmed glasses to fight each other to the death for her amusement while she listens to ke$ha and eats taco bell

Posted on 30th Aug at 9:22 PM, with 189,149 notes

ingredior:

baelor:

i dont know if i want to be buried or cremated if i die

“if i die”

Posted on 30th Aug at 7:06 PM, with 75 notes
lukeismybatman:

Rainy Days
Listen Here
Kissing In Cars - Pierce The Veil // When You Can’t Sleep At Night - Of Mice & Men // Roger Rabbit - Sleeping With Sirens // November - Gabrielle Aplin // Sirens - Cher Lloyd // If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember // Remembering Sunday - All Time Low // I Miss You - Blink 182 // With Me - Sum 41 // Miserable At Best - Mayday Parade // Wake Me Up When September Ends - Greenday

lukeismybatman:

Rainy Days

Listen Here

Kissing In Cars - Pierce The Veil // When You Can’t Sleep At Night - Of Mice & Men // Roger Rabbit - Sleeping With Sirens // November - Gabrielle Aplin // Sirens - Cher Lloyd // If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember // Remembering Sunday - All Time Low // I Miss You - Blink 182 // With Me - Sum 41 // Miserable At Best - Mayday Parade // Wake Me Up When September Ends - Greenday

Tagged: #playlist,
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